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Patience in dealing with women is both a necessity and a virtue. Women change their mind. (Just ask one; it is their constitutional right!) A young woman in love can flip-flop on the head of a pin in a nanosecond! A mistake which self-absorbed men commonly make is expecting too much too soon. Even worse, men sometimes compound the problem by giving too little while expecting too much.


Men need to understand women – especially one woman. To understand one woman well is more helpful that trying to make sense out of a thousand women superficially. To comprehend a woman requires a mental grasp on her mind as well as physically taking her in hand. To do this, a man must both be able to interpret her signals as well as have some sympathy for her as a person. Part of the understanding is that, although they may not like it when their bottom is smarting, most women do not view spanking as a rape-like violation of their person. Rational women understand the difference between discipline and abuse. Unless brainwashed by politically correct ideology or otherwise have bats flapping about in the belfry, women do not summon the police as the result of a spanking or threat of a spanking. In fact, in reflection, most discover it to be a positive experience. Failing that, they usually are willing to admit to themselves it was probably deserved.


Born of patience and understanding, timing is everything. There are decisive moments in relationships. Windows of opportunity do not remain open forever. Women move on to other things. Women attracted to men give signals that are, in effect implicit permissions. Despite attempts by the politically correct to rewrite the laws of nature, seldom are these permissions explicit. (Often it is the old no from her lips with yes in her eyes.) Men either act on these permissions or they will eventually become despised. Acting too soon is like picking and eating green fruit. It can be hard and quite bitter. Waiting until it is too late has difficulties similar to eating rotten fruit. Things can get messy! Knowing when – or when not to act – is an all too well kept secret in handling women. Relationships cannot be forced. The interaction must develop at its own speed.

Most women?

Whether most women view spanking as a positive experience is, I would think, highly debatable. It is evident from KrosRogue's experience that there are plenty of women who do not care for being spanked. And I think a man definitely does need explicit permission before acting on the impulse to spank a woman. You cannot just assume that a woman will stand for it.

Explicit Permission?

The problem is, most women are not explicit - and do not want to be explicit - when when they talk about emotional needs or desires. In fact, women often don't ask explicitly for mundane things: She: "Would you like some more tea, dear?" He: "No thank you, darling." (Goes back to reading the newspaper). She: (exasperated, reaches across the table to get the teapot) "Men!" He: "Why didn't you say you wanted more tea?" See You Just Don't Understand by Deborah Tannen for more about explicit versus implicit communication as a gender difference. If a man asks/waits for explicit permission, or an explicit request, he is not doing what the woman wants. She wants him to "take charge".

Explicit permission

Obviously it is necesary for a man to find out beforehand whether a woman wants him to take charge or not. Certainly as regards the spanking thing, which is something that could be very upsetting for a woman who really doesn't want it. I mean, KrosRogue, for instance, could have said something to his girlfriend like "If you don't stop nagging me I'm going to spank you", and then judged from her reaction whether she found the idea agreeable or not (this sort of situation occured with several men in my past). And you can't just assume, in this day and age, that a woman is going to be willing to let you take charge (I don't think, actually, that you could assume it in any and age, with some women). A woman who wants a man to take charge does have to tell him so I think. I certainly had to tell my husband, it's not something he would have thought of doing for himself without my input.

To each his own, and let's not forget that!

I am a submissive woman in a long-term relationship, but this guy's crass generalizations really p!$$ me off. Whilst many women may get turned on by the image of John Wayne spanking Maureen O'Hara and similar fantasies, let's face one thing: only a minority are naturally submissive and willing to accept the authority of a dominant male.

As for this: "Despite attempts by the politically correct to rewrite the laws of nature, seldom are these permissions explicit. Often it is the old no from her lips with yes in her eyes." How many times has this excuse been used as a defence of rape? In fact, "most women" do INDEED view spanking as a rape-like violation of their person. Laws of nature have nothing to do with this! Whilst many women with these desires may find it difficult to verbalize them, any man would surely be foolish to act without express consent. And Noone talks of 'probably deserved' spankings as if only women ever 'misbehave'!!! Let's get back to the fact that this is a the lifestyle we have chosen, deliberately chosen, because it meets a deep inner need on our part. But it is a minority lifestyle, and I'm sure most women who are so inclined would wish to give their consent to someone who believes in the underlying equality of the sexes. It is important to realize that this belief is not negated by dominantive dynamics.

Indecision And Instinct

My most recent difficulty was a conflict between my resolve to immediately terminate any budding relationship in which the woman displayed repulsive behavior and my desire to remain involved with this particular woman. I had a gut feeling at the time that I should have just ended it as cleanly as possible. Rarely have my instincts ever been wrong, and this was no exception. Her response to what I did justified my mindset, but not my impulsive action.

Opposites attract?

I would never permit a man to strike me - not without having his sorry butt hauled off to jail. (I also find 'spanking scenes' in old movies disgusting, and fantasize about giving the heroine a gun so she could blow the S.O.B.'s head off and find somebody decent.) Why do I check the site? I'm afraid I have these intense, arousing fantasies of all the men on this site, bound down, with their buttocks bared. I proceed to each one, paddling him until he screams that is just a pathetic bully who deserves this retribution. (Oh, man, I'm getting turned on !)

You would then be the pathetic bully

If you were to tie my husband up against his will and assault him, you would be the pathetic bully, I am afraid. Whereas I consent to spankings from my husband, my husband certainly does not consent to them from you. In the end you would be committing assault, and should be the one to go to jail. I completely understand how you can not want a relationship and I can understand how you might not understand them. I would hope that you would take my word for it that I love my husband, he loves me and I ask for him to spank me. Spanking me makes us closer and we love the effect it has on both of us. This type of marriage was my decision; he was not even a spanko before we met. If you do not want your husband to lay a hand on you, I applaud you if you call the police if he ever does. You should: that would be abuse. I would support your right to do that. I think it is sad that you are too closed-minded to extend the same consideration to me.